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After uncovering a series of documents previously undiscovered, historians have now come to the conclusion that the Spanish Inquisition was actually intended to be an elaborate work of satire.

Many historians, as well as the general public, were shocked at this discovery, and many are now reevaluating their perception of what was previously considered an abhorrent chapter in human history.

One man said, “I used to read about the Spanish Inquisition and think, oh my God. That’s just messed up, I can’t believe they could be that terrible. But I feel differently now, now that I know the true intent. It was just satire.”

Some historians, in retrospect, are surprised that nobody had realized this earlier. One historian, Murphy Abercrombie, said, “The elaborate and gruesome methods of torture were so blatantly over-the-top and absurd, it seems silly that any of us had actually taken them seriously. It’s clear that they were just exaggerating normal torture, in order to show how terrible torture really is. And we all missed the point, and thought that they meant it.”

A small but vocal minority have responded to this discovery saying that, even in the off-chance it really was satire, it clearly failed in its goal to criticize torture, as it still performed the exact torture it was satirizing in the first place, and caused the exact same end result as other torture, regardless of its intent.

These views, however, have been largely dismissed, with many people saying, “It’s satire. You can’t take it seriously. Clearly you just don’t get it.”

Spanish Inquisition Was Actually A Work of Satire, Historians Discover

The Wishwashington Post

(via thewishwashingtonpost)

The Time Out

seinfelt:

Kramer prepares for a camping trip with nothing but bungee cords as his equipment: A bungee tent, bungee clothes, even a bungee canteen. He has so many bungee cords that he can’t fit them all in his car, so he affixes them to its roof — with bungee cords.

Jerry gets in a heated argument with Elaine about what exactly was in Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase, and he coincidentally discovers that if he says the phrase, “Time out,” time actually does stop for everyone and everything but him. Rather than use this extraordinary ability to right any of the world’s wrongs, improve himself, or even just to take naps, he merely calls Time Outs to break the fourth wall and soliloquize about his current situation.

George invites Jerry to join him on a long walk across the George Washington Bridge, so the two make a day of it. When they’re halfway across, an aggressive roller skater slams into George, sending him tumbling over the side, hundreds of feet in the air, toward certain death.

Jerry looks on with horror and desperately shouts, “TIME OUT!

Everything and everyone stops right where they had been. Jerry catches his breath and looks over the side of the bridge. “You all right down there, buddy?” He’s not sure why he asked, since George is clearly incapable of responding, but there he is.

With all the time in the world, Jerry strolls back home to think about how best to solve the situation, sidling past Kramer, who had apparently been bursting through Jerry’s front door right when Jerry called a Time Out.

He spends days of endless sunlight contemplating how to rescue George, and halfway through a sketchbook of ideas, he thinks he’s figured it out.

Jerry starts assembling scaffolding that hangs off the side of the bridge using materials scavenged from construction crews near the site. For ten hours he labors, then makes the long walk home, stopping in fancy restaurants to eat the meals right off people’s plates. Mercifully, each meal is just as hot and fresh as it was when time marched forward. The next ten hours he sleeps, then continues the cycle again.

On one occasion, Jerry loses weeks of work when a shoddily attached bolt causes a structural collapse. He only narrowly avoids taking the fatal plunge himself, hanging on to a sturdily attached metal bar and pulling himself back up by his fingers. In shock and full of anger, Jerry walks over to the roller skater who caused this mess in the first place. He looks the roller skater in the eye, less than an inch from his face. “Do you know how hard I’ve been working" he screams, spittle landing on the roller skater’s eyeball. Full of rage, he punches the roller skater over, and over, and over again. None of it registers on the roller skater’s face, but it will. It will. Jerry is tempted to call a brief "Time In" just to watch that pain appear, calculating how much time he could waste before George would die. While running the numbers, his temper subsides, and he wisely chooses to just go home for the day. "Perhaps tonight," he thinks, "I’ll finally have that filet mignon I’ve been eyeing."

The next “day,” Jerry begins his toils anew, this time double-checking all his construction to prevent another fiasco. After a long, long time spent working, he finally reaches the point in the air where George is located, but he’s struck by a sudden realization: He can’t simply construct a floor beneath George (he would slam into it at high velocity, probably killing him anyway), and he’s far too heavy for Jerry to carry him back up the scaffolding.

Jerry is not deterred, though. Finally happy with his progress, he heads home. The next day, before making the commute, Jerry stops by Kramer’s car, which is loaded with bundles of bungee cords inside and out. He takes the longest of them and continues on his way.

He walks to the bridge with a certain bounce in his step, confident in his plan. He clambers down the scaffolding and ties the cables around George’s arms and torso, giving the cord a little tug to ensure it’s snug. “Everything’s going to be all right, George,” he whispers in his friend’s ear. He climbs back up to the bridge, and this particular bungee cord is just barely long enough to be tied on. Jerry strains as he stretches the cable around one of the bridge’s beams, ensures that it’s taut, and dusts off his hands.

The hard part is over, but Jerry isn’t able to call Time In just yet. He spends the next several… weeks? months? disassembling all the scaffolding he had so carefully constructed, then bringing the pieces back to the trucks from whence they came. There’s nothing he can do about all the food he’s stolen, but the restaurants will just have to settle that with their insurance companies, he supposes.

When all traces of his work (save for the bungee cord) are gone, Jerry stands looking over the bridge. His hair is a little thinner; a few more wrinkles line his face. Nonetheless, he’s full of joy. He shouts to the sky so God can hear, “TIME IN!

George’s body reverses its direction and starts flying upward immediately. “Not only am I the most dashing comedian on two legs,” Jerry says to himself, “I’m easily the most versatile.” A nearby roller skater collapses and cries out in pain. A crowd gathers around Jerry while he waits for George’s body to stop bouncing on the dangling cord, and then he reels him in. “Glad to have you back, pal!”

George does not respond. When Jerry lays his friend on the ground, it is in repose. Tears streak across Jerry’s cheeks. “George?”

The medical examiner says, “Due to the way George had apparently tied himself up, and the inexplicable tautness of his bungee cord, it appears your friend died of a snapped neck.” Jerry’s bravest, smartest, finest efforts to save his friend were not just in vain, not just a failure, but a complete perversion of success. “Are you all right, Mr. Seinfeld?” the medical examiner asks.

His face pale, Jerry looks her right in the eye. “Time out,” he says.

He walks back to the George Washington Bridge, the city around him frozen in time. He finds the exact site of George’s death, stands upon the rail, and performs a swan dive into the Hudson River.

The traffic above remains stuck in time. Pendulums swing no more. The Earth hangs suspended in a still sky.

No soul remains who can call Time In.

lilfaux:

that-darn-hyena:

skully-pens:

cosmicremix:

tordles:

thingsthatsuckass:

marcovicci:

ah yes. my gender is blue with pink leg


so this is killing me cause my mind immediately thought.

and this is why im not allowed to be part of actual serious discussions.

i DONT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL I KEEP IMAGINING 



I feel particularly close to this one:



THIS POST GET’S MORE FUCKIN HILARIOUS EVERY TIME I SEE IT!

I made a thing aswell.

So scandalous~

I’m so done right now

lilfaux:

that-darn-hyena:

skully-pens:

cosmicremix:

tordles:

thingsthatsuckass:

marcovicci:

ah yes. my gender is blue with pink leg

so this is killing me cause my mind immediately thought.

and this is why im not allowed to be part of actual serious discussions.

i DONT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL I KEEP IMAGINING 

image

image

I feel particularly close to this one:

THIS POST GET’S MORE FUCKIN HILARIOUS EVERY TIME I SEE IT!

I made a thing aswell.

So scandalous~

I’m so done right now

I’ve encountered people constantly assuming sex is good and that having sex is just something you do in healthy relationships. This creates a situation where, hating sex is a character flaw caused by those terrible sex-negative tropes society presses on you, and obviously only Bad People don’t consent to sex.
That’s rape culture. This is what environments that assume sex is unambiguously a good thing do. Saying, “It’s consensual sex that’s good” doesn’t actually fix the problem. It just creates a situation where you must be consenting to sex, because if you aren’t, you’re not having enough sex and then you’re “sex-negative”.
See, it only fixes a problem where you’re like, “Well I don’t really want to do this right now”. It does not do anything at all to help people who find sex painful. It does nothing at all to help a person who doesn’t want sex, but thinks they do because it’s been so heavily normativized they have to have sex, and have to have it in this specific way. All the, “But make sure it’s consensual!” thing does is tells the person, “Well maybe if you don’t want sex this time it’s okay, but remember you still must be having it some of the time!”
See, to actually fight rape culture you need to say “Sex is always optional. You are never obligated to have sex.” You must always be concerned with consent, and that means you must accept that the answer may very well always be no, despite the fact there’s this belief sex is the greatest thing ever.
And if someone never wants sex, then sex can’t really be a good thing to them, because it’s always unwanted.

Sex Positivity is Rape Culture in Disguise (via grrl-meat)

Shazam! Remember the “Sexual Revolution” was made by and for males— oh excuse me— “enlightened leftist men who were only trying to liberate us prudish bitches”…and sex-pozzie, white/Western-centric, bourgeois, neoliberal, Slutwalkin’, FEMENists are their useful idiots.

(via the-uncensored-she)

nextyearsgirl:

If “cis” is a word meant to denote someone who does not suffer from GID/bodily dysphoria, then I fail to understand why the appropriate word to actually use wouldn’t be “neurotypical,” unless there is a compelling argument for why we need a word for people who don’t have one specific mental…

cuteanimals-and-misandry:

ok lemme tell you a thing about raccoons

queenmoeblob:

castielwincheshter:

tangledupheartstrings:

Ok who else is excited for the 2014 movie Maleficent with Angelina Jolie????????

I mean look at this

image

image

GUYS THIS IS A MOVIE FOR THE VILLAINS BACKSTORY.

A DISNEY MOVIE.

THIS IS GOING TO BE BADASS. 

oh my god read more here

Neat.

When you hear a republican talking about class warfare you know they’re waging it.
David Graeber (via autonomistrebelnews)
geekgirlsarereal:

neversaysdie:

liberalsarecool:

America has to end the obsession with overcompensating CEOs while grinding the working classes into submission.
Worker productivity has increased while wages have stagnated. Its time for workers to get paid for those efficiencies, not just the CEOs.

Fun fact?  A group of economists actually ran the numbers, and in order for McDonald’s to pay their employees 15 dollars an hour, they would have to raise the price of some of the their sandwiches by….
A nickel.  

Not to mention a recent article pointed out something else. That by keeping wages to a non living wage level costs the government more money by having to rely more on government assistance. Furthermore some workers funded by fed gov funds are earning even less than retail or fast food. http://t.nbcnews.com/business/federal-government-creates-more-low-wage-jobs-wal-mart-1C9910466

geekgirlsarereal:

neversaysdie:

liberalsarecool:

America has to end the obsession with overcompensating CEOs while grinding the working classes into submission.

Worker productivity has increased while wages have stagnated. Its time for workers to get paid for those efficiencies, not just the CEOs.

Fun fact?  A group of economists actually ran the numbers, and in order for McDonald’s to pay their employees 15 dollars an hour, they would have to raise the price of some of the their sandwiches by….

A nickel.  

Not to mention a recent article pointed out something else. That by keeping wages to a non living wage level costs the government more money by having to rely more on government assistance. Furthermore some workers funded by fed gov funds are earning even less than retail or fast food.
http://t.nbcnews.com/business/federal-government-creates-more-low-wage-jobs-wal-mart-1C9910466